You Might Be An Engineer...

• If you introduce your wife as "[email protected]"
• If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
• If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
• If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
• If Dilbert is your hero *** <----- ***
• If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
• If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
• If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
• If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
• If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
• If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
• If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
• If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
• If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
• If you window shop at Radio Shack
• If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
• If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
• If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
• If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
• If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
• If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
• If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
• If you own "Official Star Trek" anything
• If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
• If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
• If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
• If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
• If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
• If you have never backed-up your hard drive
• If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
• If you truly believe aliens are living among us
• If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
• If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
• If you see a good design and still have to change it
• If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
• If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
• If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
• If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are
• If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
• If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
• If you have more toys than your kids
• If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
• If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
• If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
• If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
• If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
• If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
• If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
• If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
• If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal
• If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use
• If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
• If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
• If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
• If you did the sound system for your senior prom
• if your checkbook always balances
• if your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
• If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
• If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers
• If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
• If you spend more on your home computer than your car
• If you know what http:/ stands for
• If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
• If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
• If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
• If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate
• If choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.
• If you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
• If while in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
• If the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.
• If at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
• If you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.
• If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
• If you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
• If you comment to your wife that their straight hair is nice and parallel.
• If you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.
• If you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
• If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
• If you know what <http://> stands for.
• If you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.
• If you see a good design and still have to change it.
• If you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
• If you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
• If you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
• If you window shop at Radio Shack
• If your laptop computer costs more than your car.
• If your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
• If you've already calculated how much you make per second.
• If you've tried to repair a $5 radio.
• If you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
• If you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
• If you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
• If it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
• If you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
• If you think in "math."
• If you have a pet named after a scientist.
• If you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
• If the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
• If you can translate English into Binary.
• If you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit."
• If you are completely addicted to caffeine.
• If you consider ANY non-science course "easy."
• If when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
• If the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
• If you'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
• If you understood more than five of these indicators.
• If you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.