ITI Directory

Directory of Government ITI and Private ITI under NCVT

An engineer took a cruise to the Caribbean. It was wonderful; the experience of his life. But, alas, a hurricane came up unexpectedly and the ship went down. He was swept onto the shore of an island. No people, no supplies, nothing.
He explored but found nothing other that some bananas and coconuts. He was desperate and forlorn, but what could he do? For the next four months ate bananas, drank coconut juice and looked for a ship to come to his rescue.

An electrical, a mechanical and a civil engineer all sat down one day to try and decide of which of their faculties god must be to design the human body.

The electrical engineer says god must be an electrical engineer, for you only have to look at the complex nervous system powered be electrical impulses.

A Software Engg was smoking
Girl: Didn’t u see the warning ?
Smoking is injurious to health.
Engineer: We bother only about errors & not warnings.

They asked The scientist; What is 2 + 2?
He replied... 4.000000000

They asked The engineer; What is 2 + 2?
He replied... 4.0 (+/- )

They asked The attorney; What is 2 + 2?
He replied... what would you like it to be? :o)

A engineering student is on his way to class, when his friend, another engineering student, rides up on a bike.
"Where did you get the bike?", asks the first engineering student. The other explains, "Well, I was on my way to Unit Ops, when one of the
cheerleaders rides up and jumps off her bike. She screams with excitement, runs up to me, strips off all her clothes, gives me a big hug and a kiss, and said she'd give me anything I wanted!"

The first engineering student says, "Good choice. Her clothes would never have fit you."

An engineer, lawyer and CPA go together on a camping trip one summer.

After a night of drinking around the campfire, the CPA stood up and said "Watch This!" he took out a pistol, threw his bottle of burbon in the air and shot it.

The lawyer, not to be out done said, "that's nothing." He threw his bottle of scotch in the air and shot it blind-folded.

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and an Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

A successful engineer flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've
got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

A doctor is talking to a car engineer, “Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.”

“Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn’t changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month.”

10 Jokes Only Engineers Will Understand. Who Says Engineers Don’t Have A Sense Of Humor?

1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. 

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. 

2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full. 
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. 
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. 

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the other side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be $5,000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

We all know that it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree celsius.

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Department person asked the young engineer, fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The engineer replied, "In the neighborhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The HR person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks of vacation, fourteen paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

• Mechanical Engineers build weapons.
• Civil Engineers build targets

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

An engineer was enjoying his very first vacation ever, relaxing on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. It was wonderful, the experience of his life. He was being waited on hand and foot. But a hurricane came, and the ship went down instantly. The man found himself swept up onto the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it.

Once an engineer was driving in a ranch and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

“Oh, about $200 today,” said the redneck. “But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out.”

Engineer sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the redneck.

“Here,” he said, “is the check for $900. It’s postdated six years from now.”

 

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines.

They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.