ITI Directory

Directory of Government ITI and Private ITI under NCVT

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.

She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

One girl went to a electronic shop with anger and threw her new laptop on the desk at a person from whom she bought it. 

She told the salesman that you have... cheated me. I cannot transfer file from my previous laptop.. Salesman : Madam, can you please try in front of me. This is what She did,

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

• I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page. Cringe!
• You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
• Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you. Ouch, this one is wrong on so many levels
• My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
• Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
• Wanna come back to my room? …and see my 1000 Mhz Pentium VII?

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist went to the races one Saturday and laid their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the race, 

the engineer says, "I don't understand why I lost all my money. I measured all the horses and calculated their strength and mechanical advantage and figured out how fast they could run..."

How many first year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?  None. That’s a second year subject. 

How many second year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the rest of the class copies the report. 

How many third year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb? “Will this question be in the final examination?” 

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below says: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field.”

“You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist.

“I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”

You Might Be An Engineer...

So, since I am actually dating an engineer (a mechanical engineering masters student, might I add!), I think I’m allowed to joke about this…although I don’t think this is going to impress EcoHawk very much :)

10. Shirts and jeans are our formal dress. Hot dog and a six-pack is our seven-course meal. Sadly, this one is very, very accurate I’m afraid – but they really do come out of their shell when they’re comfortable. When you do get them to throw on a pair of dress-pants however, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how well they clean up!

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture with a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest possible amount of fence.

The engineer is first. He herds the sheep into a circle and then puts the fence around them, declaring, "A circle will use the least fence for a given area, so this is the best solution."

Engineers think that equations approximate the real world.

Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.

Mathematicians are unable to make the connection..

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" 

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" 

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" 

The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want mustard with that?"

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. 
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. 
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. 
In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.